Challenging Character

You know, as I get more involved with people I notice more things that I never realized before. Do you remember that first date? It doesn’t matter if it was your very first or your first with that person, whether we know it or not, a show goes on. Then the second date we learn more and third and so on.. Is it that a person is really changing or are we getting to know the real them? How they process, think, what their perspective is, philosophy etc? Are they dramatic, energetic, dynamic, etc?

I often use my stomach more then anything when breaking down a good or bad relationship. Sometimes I ask the question “Does this feeling mean I want to know more or less?” “Why is it there?”

My grandpa once said to me that times don’t change people they were always that person inside. I never knew much at that age about what he said but the words stuck like glue in my head.

I don’t know if you can relate but this is a professional and personal struggle with me lately. I try really hard to just accept that someone I care about is really someone else. I have seen severe changes in the outside. Of course I always….always take my own inventory first. I am learning more and more about who I am and what is acceptable in and around my life. I think thats really important to know. The more I find the peace in the midst of things that confuse me right now the more my mind grows!

The big thing here is no matter how strong of a person or character you are/have, the outside affects you. The depth is up to you. Sometimes I feel that I have to be stronger in front of others or I have to look like I have it all together, and that is my own stuff getting in the way.

There is nothing better to me when getting to know someones character then humility, honesty, vulnerability and the genuine human side that says “I’m Real”. The true peace lies inside of the struggle sometimes and is wrapped in really bad packaging at times.

What I see more and more lately is amazing character standing out from the rest. I love it and crave it. The opportunity in this economy to meet someone who is doing their best, who cares about themselves AND others, who believe they can make it no matter what and who while having doubts and trials do their best and leave the rest are amazing. I know many of the connections I’ve made through Social Media, being out in Public, and just reaching out have blessed me more and more.

Today…more then any day challenge your character. Ask who you are and God gives you the answers. Be grateful for the ability to choose for yourself. You cannot be something you don’t decide to be. Right now people want you to reach out. It might be two tons of cold steel exterior but the inside is a human with a heart. Make it a game, break the seal give your absolute YOU and DECIDE what that is and live it. Thank you for reading!

Peace in the midst of the storm!

Wow! Today is the 17th day of September and life for me is moving quickly. I find that the more I acheive as time moves by the more I find myself in the middle of storms.

For me the storms consist of dramatic un-ease as I set the course of my day. Sometimes feeling tired or overwhelmed from the start instead of rested and recharged.

I vowed to myself, when I started blogging, that I would be transparent with all of you. That I would be extremely authentic and share the good stuff. I realize when writing something like this it is not always a good thing but here is a story about what I about peace in times of triumph.

For most of you who don’t know I have been going through a divorce for over a year now. The emotional and mental ups and downs are sometimes rather insane and like any emotional tear down trying to build in the midst is hard. I realize that divorce is a choice which is why it is weird when you feel drained and guilt starts to eat at you. I know in my heart that both of us will turn out better as it was a sea of unhappiness.

The worst part about divorce is that there is a series of guilt, frusteration, bitterness, financial mess, and emotional trial. I know that I have one place of energy and that each day I have to move forward through this life-changing ordeal. I have to be over-flowing with energy and start my day with more then most people.

As I have been moving through this, at a rather slow pace, I had to focus hard on everything. First the hurt that is caused, second making sure that my daughter feels as little as possible, and third knowing that my reasons are strong enough to carry me through.

The turning point came when I went to pick up my daughter one day and my soon to be ex wife left with my daughter. It was my daughters day with me and suddenly they were both not there. I called her cell phone but there was no answer. I thought “Maybe they just left for breakfast and will be back soon”. Then I thought “Maybe there was confusion in the days” and eventually I thought “Maybe my daughter was gone far away” and where do I begin?

As it turned out panic set in and the storm was coming. In the midst of my thought process I began to breathe and the first thing that came to mind was a crossroad. The point where whatever concerns I had were omitted by the inward hurt. What was most important became clear and finding my daughter and moving forward was my priority.

I don’t know what your experience is in these things but I am paralyzed typically by things like this. After several calls and tracing where my daughter and ex was the night before I found them. It turned out there was real intent in what had happened and that through it I had come to a peaceful conclusion that has helped me in moving forward.

I feel at times when my mind processes through times of extreme adversity that it is a gift from god. That the thought and pattern that comes into our hearts and minds at ideal moments are not always practical but do serve a greater good and provide peace when we actually look at them. To know when you have a line to tow regardless of circumstances, to find truth and balance when the storm is whirling is difficult to do but possible.

Take time to learn about where you are in the storm. It is not selfish to position yourself correctly and it is not selfish to serve your mind, heart and body in ways that contribute to inner peace. Our souls deserve peace and can be taken there regardless of outside circumstances.

Today, whatever storm you are in, embrace what you can control. Build forward momentum through peace and action and dedicate outside feelings elsewhere. Breathe and think through how the panic and worry actually help to serve you. I have learned it never changes the outcome. Only conscious thought and peace of mind can do that. And lastly be who you are. Learn to live with the fact that others will sometimes not be okay with it. As long as you are thats all that matters. Thanks for listening

Changing the Future…

Today is one of those days you realize what’s really important. Not the way everybody says it, but the deep part of who we are as human beings. The part of us that loves without condition and forgives the past.

Last night I was playing with my 4 year old daughter Ciera. The TV was off and there was no noise other then the joy in the room. She is growing up so quickly. I always joke with her that I want to put bricks on top of her head to keep her from growing so fast. In that particular moment without distraction I noticed so many things about her and me. I noticed that I loved her and adored her so much more then I already did. I noticed her laugh had changed a little and that she was having some real genuine fun. She looked a little taller and her face is changing a little. Her little eyes are getting even bluer and she is turning into a real full fledged little girl.

What I realized even more by this was that I am impacting her every day. The mood I’m in, the standards I set, the manners I teach, and most important my actions are being watched and deciphered at every moment by her. That if I love she will learn to love, that if I give she will learn to give, If I say please and thank you she will learn to do the same just seems amazing. I realized how big a responsibility I had to help secure a future that is full of possibility.

It might seem like such a small part at times. But as a parent I feel a huge responsibility to make sure that I am part of the solution to a better future. That as I look at days like today 8 years ago and see what different lessons can launch for the future, I know how important my role as a parent actually is. I am also learning how much my daughter really just wants dedicated time with me. Time without distraction whether it’s 15 minutes or more. Something she never tells me verbally.

I want to thank you and let everyone know that has been a part of my life that I appreciate you. I know that I get busy and may not say it enough. But if today were my last day here I’d want you to know. Thank you for the support and for just being a part of my life. Thank you for helping me change the future of what we do and for sharing this life of possibilities and determination.

I hope this is a day you invest time in someone you’ve been thinking about, that you mend a relationship, that you spend extra time without your cell phone on with your children or family. There is no better way to let others know how much you love and care for them and start events that can change our futures for the better!

Love those haters!!

Yesterday was a bittersweet Labor Day. A day full of peaceful wants for my future (I want to live by the beach badly) and a day with some struggles (dealing with some issues at work). The biggest struggle I have been having is dealing with the lack of gratitude that exists and surrounds us as the economy struggles. I don’t know about you but people that in good times love you sometimes can’t wait to toss you or dislike you in opportunistic times like today.

If I didn’t know how to control those thoughts and feelings it may affect me more then it does. I’ve seen the toxicity of relationships or clients or others really affect people close to me. I can’t help but notice no matter what I give or others give to these people they cannot see past the gloom and it causes so much more tension.

Self evaluation has never been very popular but that is even more reason to do it. I always ask myself (after I calm down a bit) Was there anything I could do to control the outcome I just experienced? Then when I find the answer I take action if it was something I could control. If the incident or relationship is something decided by someone else then I release it. It’s not my stuff it’s theirs.

Many times when pushed pushing back only does more harm. The level of self-honesty involved in self-evaluation is amazing. It requires you to put your own stuff ie; ego, frusteration, stubborness, aside and really dig deep.

Next if it is me and the situation deems it necessary I forgive myself before doing anything. We cannot and will not forgive others unless we are capable of grace and mercy to ourselves. I don’t know about you but I am far from perfect and am worthy of forgiveness. Then I do what I can to make the situation right. A sincere apology and admission can change the course of what I value most.

What if it’s not my fault? What if I have no control or am being judged or tossed unfairly. I say BRING IT! Bring the ridicule, the judgement the naysaying because it’s making me stronger. Like the last 2-3 reps of an excercise it’s confirmation that I am building huge mental muscles and on the path away from the culture. That I am suddenly on the minds of many and that they are watching and don’t know what to do about it. That my responsibility to fuel this economy and enhance my relationships and build, build and build some more are not commonly accepted because I am not common. I am not part of an average culture and am part of a culture of contributors and growers and peace makers and economy fuelers! I love that crowd and I am not sorry for it. I am the giver of opportunity not the taker and it is those who provide the opportunities that will employ those who take in the future.

In my list of what I am truly grateful for this morning I was truly grateful for those haters. Thank you for telling me I couldn’t do something. Thank you for throwing roadblocks and challenges in my path. Thank you for being followers and not competing with me to lead. Without you I would not be growing and I would not be able to experience peace in the midst of adverse conditions.

Be grateful today for your challenges! Look for the lessons because they are there. Be yourself in the midst because there is happiness in those moments.

Exhausted Talent

Along time ago I was interviewed for my Heritage Profile, which is an amazingly detailed outline of my natural strengths and abilities as well as an outline of how those abilities need to be managed.

You can imagine that when I dusted off the copy and started to read through it how awakening it was. In fact it’s difficult sometimes, especially for me, to read through it and believe that I have all of these abilities. Most of them I use but what about the other ones?

My favorite story on this is in the bible Matthew 25 verse 14-30. It talks about a man that called his servants together to invest money for him while he was gone. The best part is that he gives them an amount of money tailored to their abilities. WOW. Made me wonder if I was paid to my abilities? The currency is called talents (a certain weight in gold). The bottom line is that two of the servants doubled their talents by investing wisely. The third servant hides his talents for fear of losing them and his talents are given to the servant with the most talents.

Each day I think about this story and wonder what talent I am hiding? What is the benefit of keeping any of my talent from the world? I struggle at times with the belief structure that I actually have talent in certain areas even though I have it written, and am told I do. Sometimes I find myself dimming the light of who I am and what I posess because of those around me. I don’t know what causes that but sometimes theres fear of judgement or I will receive the wrong kind of confirmation and in a flash the bulb goes out!

I don’t know for sure where I go after this life however the one thing I do know is I am not going to waste the quality of this one. Not one day of it. I am committed to using all of my talents, and on my final day I want my eulogy to read : He leaves us with all of his talents exhausted. I want to wring them out in ways that impact and design and encourage and support. Ways that create and establish and are amazing. To push myself through little challenges no matter how big they appear, be a servant leader to many, an amazing father and friend and most importantly never allow anyone to take my talents.

I know today wherever you are you have talent unopened. That whatever takes you back can also take you forward. The best part about talent is we all have it. No two people have the same exact ones across the board. Isn’t that amazing?

I am extremely unique as well as you and dedicated to wringing myself out everyday of the talent I have. What talents do you have that you keep from the world? Like the story, and extremely profound, what is your hidden gold? My goal is that my talents affect your lives in the best ways. I promise to not to take any of them with me. I will leave them here where the most good is done. Be amazing today…and use them up!

Opporunities in Encouragement

Last thursday when finishing up the “Emotional Spotter” piece I realized how important encouragement has been in my life. Not just how important the receipt of encouragement has been but the giving of encouragement.

Daily, I see the power of encouraging others as a huge strength and have worked on ways of delivering encouragement before it is needed. As a real estate professional who deals with banks and negotiators that seem to get yelled at all day by my peers at times, I have sewn some great relationships by encouraging rather then blowing things out of proportion. Trying to understand that each human being around us not only desires encouragement but needs it as a means to building momentum in their lives. With my negotiators I always open or close with ” I appreciate your hard work on this as I know you are very busy” or ” Thank you for going the extra mile today for me, I appreciate you.” I always focus on the appreciation of the person not what they did. Realistically it is ingrained in the person to be their best and the energy is sometimes involuntarily stripped from them.

I believe that the reason the word “courage” is in encouragement is because it takes courage to give it. It involves stepping outside of whatever goes on inside of us and giving what we most desire. The ripple effects of it are amazing and the way it makes me feel to see someone move forward from my words makes all the difference to my day and life.

I’ve recently made a commitment to be vocally and outwardly proud of people in and around me who accomplish amazing things. I believe it is a lost art and we sometimes are afraid of telling anyone, especially another adult that we are proud of them or the person they are. Without this type of encouragement I don’t know where I would be today. The momentum created in my life and the success I have become is due to that momentum. I am fueled by people and their accomplishments. I love a good underdog story of trial/error and breakthrough. Seeing the endless possiblilities of outward encouragement is a huge blessing in my life.

Is there anyone that has believed in you when you didn’t believe in yourself that you should call today? Is there someone that has told you how proud you make them that fueled you to excellence? I believe the one thing that will change this economy is getting closer to the momentum we can create in ourselves and our community by encouraging someone right next to you today. I promise the effects will be amazing both personally and professionally.

Who’s your Emotional Spotter?

Lately it seems that so much of this economy is set to trip us up and see what we are really made of. I am sure many of you , just like me, have seen dramatic changes in some of the relationships we have held so closely. I often wonder “Is it me….?” or am I taking life to seriously and the answer is never the same.

I take pride in the ability to everyday choose for myself. To choose how to act and be authentic in every possible way through the storms has become a way of life. My mind is a muscle and my emotions are also part of that very important muscle. If I don’t use it every day and stay conscious of every decision, whether important or not, it will atrophy or shrink just like the muscles in your body that respond to exercise so does your mind.

In pushing through some of the most difficult physical exercises in my life I have found it necessary to have a spotter. Someone who can assist me in lifting weight that is too heavy for me at the time, however will not be too heavy in the near future. This is a technique I have been using with my emotions and mind over the past year.

When mentally or emotionally it gets difficult to work through strain and stress who helps you get through? Is it someone that enables you to feel dark about the situation, saying things like “You did your best, maybe you should give up” or do they emphasize that you are extremely capable and brilliant and an impactor and are destined for great things? Do you see the difference?

It can become comfortable dealing with obstacles by feeling bad instead of seeing them as learning opportunities, I know..I do it too. However as I have a few great emotional spotters that cheer me on every day and here is the key…authentically.. I feel blessed more and more. Not telling me I’m great when I’m not, but pulling the essence of my talents, strengths, future, and dreams out and urging me to not waste them. I look at these people as my strength when life gets adverse and when life feels to good to be true and my hope and prayer is that I give to them as they constantly help me mold and shape my life.

So I ask you, who is your emotional spotter? Who is helping you to see your personal economy from a birds eye view? Who sees more in you then you do? I guarantee there’s at least one person you can think of, and if not be one to someone else today. You deserve it!